The Golden Age of Baseball

By LeRoy Chatfield

(Written 2006)

Congress said, “Jose Canseco, did you bulk up, hit home rooms, and fill the seats?”

Jose Canseco said, “Yes sir, I bulked up, hit home rooms, and filled the seats.”

Sports writers wrote, “Jose Canseco is a clown, he’s only trying to make a quick buck.”

Barry Bonds bulked up, hit home runs, filled the seats, and broke the record.

Sports writers wrote, “Barry Bonds hit home runs, filled the seats, and broke the record.”

Major League Baseball said, “Barry Bonds hit home runs, filled the seats, and broke the record.”

  The Grand Jury said, “Barry Bonds, did you bulk up, hit home runs, fill the seats, and break the record?”

Barry Bonds said, “No, sir, I did not.  I hit home runs, filled the seats, broke the record, and used nutritional oil.”

But the Prosecutor indicted and said, “Barry Bonds bulked up, hit home runs, filled the seats, broke the record, and lied to the Grand Jury.”

Sports writers wrote, “It couldn’t happen to a more deserving player.”

Barry Bonds said, “Not guilty!”

Major League Baseball said, “Senator Mitchell will tell us if any players bulked up, hit home runs, and filled the seats.”

Senator Mitchell said, “Jose Canseco bulked up, hit home runs, and filled the seats, and others have said that some major league players bulked up, hit home runs, pitched strikes, fielded balls, and filled the seats and now, I announce: it is time for Major League Baseball to move on.”

Sports writers wrote, “Jose Canseco is a clown. Roger Clemens bulked up and threw strikes? My God, what about the hall of fame? What about Joe Torre? What about the record? What about Major League Baseball?”

Senator Mitchell said: “I say again: it is time to forgive and forget, Major League Baseball needs to move on.”

Jose Canseco said, “Buy my next book.”